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Deviant for 11 Years
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Literature
Prayer
Please help me to forgive myself.
I need to forgive myself.
I need to know it’s okay to be scared
To be anxious
To be unhappy
Please help me save myself.
I need to save myself.
I need to know it’s okay to go on
To keep living
To keep trying
Please help me to love myself.
I need to love myself.
I need to know it’s okay to be imperfect
To be unsure
To be wrong
Please help me to heal myself.
I need to heal myself.
I need to know it’s okay to be sick
To be wounded
To be unsteady
Please help me to know myself.
I need to know myself.
I don’t know myself
I don’t know myself
I only know how to pray
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Literature
Insomnia
Insomnia...
You really need to give it a rest.
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:iconarwynsavalon:Arwynsavalon 1 1
Mature content
January Child :iconarwynsavalon:Arwynsavalon 0 0
Literature
Stray
     She never asked to be invited in.  We never invited her.  Instead, we treated her as we would a stray dog.  We left food outside for her and would sometimes sit out and talk with her whenever she was in the mood not to bolt.  We probably should have called the authorities to take her away, but they would have never caught her in all the fields.  We named her Kansas, because that’s where we lived and we didn’t care to be creative.
     After awhile, we noticed that she started looking inside the back door into the kitchen whenever it was open.  My son was attracted to her, whether because he thought she was pretty or because she was just that damn fascinating.  Whenever he saw her standing by the door, he would open it and tried to soothe her into the house.  I disapproved, considering the smell of her, but she never came inside anyway. 
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Literature
A Heavy Wine
Olivia was ready for a fight.  She had been bored all week, bending to the will of the children in the orphanage that she had lived in her entire life.  Working there was not satisfying, and her attitude had been building up.  The only thing she needed to set her off was the voice of her lover, and he was sure to come home soon.  The front door opened.
“Ah, I see you made yourself right at home,” he said, setting down his things, “Tell me, do you walk around your house naked as well?”
“Surely you expect it since you gave me your house key.  By the way, you’re out of chocolate syrup.”
“It won’t matter in the end, will it?”
“Well, it would certainly make things more interesting.  But I suppose I’ll get interesting from someone else.”
“Sure you will.  That’s why you’re always over here.”
“I could go anywhere else.  I gues
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Literature
Dandelion Childhood
Ah childhood
A warm breeze rubbing you raw
Taking your dandelion seed youth
Every new wind ripping away at the stem
Teddy bear tears of comfort
The argument a broken bone
Rather than a scrape because
Someone couldn’t explain it right
“Gone forever?” you ask
“Does that mean Daddy is dead?”
“We can only hope.” Is the answer
Popping that dandelion head right off!
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Literature
Something deeper than love
(Verse 1)
Expressing the way I feel for you
Has taken me all these days to do
But even now I can’t explain
Something deeper than love
Speaking the words would eventually
Unlock what the world needs to see
But only God could ever speak in plain
Something deeper than love
(Chorus)
Because love seems like a silly word
Everyone says it thoughtlessly
Because love doesn’t cover the way
My heart sings speechlessly
(Verse 2)
It’s like reaching for eternity
Trying to discover the purity
Of what’s behind that simple word
Something deeper than love
Praying to God to free my mind
So maybe what I feel will softly find
It’s way to my lips speaking
Something deeper than love
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Literature
Impressionistic Oddity
An impressionistic oddity
In a realistic photograph
Held in by a prison bar frame
Marred by expression
Never fitting in quite right
Disquieting the onlookers
And the characters within
Filling in the empty space
With the perfect position
But choking the scenery
With unfavorable style
An impressionistic oddity
That breaks a prison bar frame
But never changes its paint
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Pirate love by Arwynsavalon Pirate love :iconarwynsavalon:Arwynsavalon 0 1 Eaglet says by Arwynsavalon Eaglet says :iconarwynsavalon:Arwynsavalon 0 0
Mature content
A snippet of my new story :iconarwynsavalon:Arwynsavalon 0 0
Literature
Another Greek Battle
Empathic lover
Losing the battle
That isn't even yours
Unrelenting Sisyphus
Constantly trying to push
Me over my problems
Know who I am
The hell on your earth
Constantly struggling against you
Another fatal Greek tragedy
That brings dismay
Into your own troubled life
Aphrodite must have blinded you
What did you do to her
To deserve such a punishment
She set you up hopelessly
To fall with me down this path
Don't work for that hero's ending
There is something beyond this
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:iconarwynsavalon:Arwynsavalon 0 0
Mature content
You think you know me :iconarwynsavalon:Arwynsavalon 0 0
Literature
Night Shift Revised
Maggie hated her job.  Ten years of college and working her way through an internship did nothing but land her the night shift at Wildridge Mental Institution.  Somehow she felt like she had been cheated out of her true calling of helping people.  These people were obviously beyond help.  They were frightened by their own souls, and there was no cure for that.
The worst part of working at the hospital was the scenery.  It was always dark and quiet so that the patients could sleep, and there was hardly ever another worker on the floor she was on.  Occasionally she could hear one of the patients cry out in their sleep, or moan as though they were in pain.  It was eerie and unsettling, and the only thing that kept her stress down during the late hours was a romance book and a cup of hot cocoa.
Maggie was deep into one of her many fictional adventures when she heard the click of the back access door.  She turne
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Literature
Night Shift
Maggie hated her job.  Ten years of college and working her way through an internship did nothing but land her the night shift at Wildridge Mental Institution.  Somehow she felt like she had been cheated out of her true calling of helping people.  These people were obviously beyond help.
The worst part of working at the hospital was the scenery.  It was always dark and quiet so that the patients could sleep, and there was never another worker on the floor she was on.  Occasionally she could hear one of the patients cry out in their sleep, or moan as though they were in pain.  It was eerie and unsettling, and the only thing that kept her stress down during the late hours was a romance book and a cup of hot cocoa.
Maggie checked the cameras right before she went on her routine check of the rooms.  Everyone seemed to be settled into their beds thanks the medication they had to take, but she knew she had to stick to the
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Literature
I hate you fall
I hate you fall
Changing so fast that
I can't brace myself for the cold.
You know what?
You make me hate summer
Being so good and
Deceiving me into believing it would last forever
Whatever
I wish you were winter
Dead and more cold than you left me
You can cover up the mess you made
Because I'm tired of seeing it.
And don't you think for a second
That in the spring I'll have forgotten
What you did.
You've destroyed my memory
Of what used to be summer.
I know where it led
That fleeting joy is dead
And you took it from me.
Happy now, you seasonal fumble?
I will not crumble
Under your changing ways
And in your final days
I hope you see what you did to the memory
Of what used to be.
So don't talk to me
Through your colorful leaves
I know what they are!
Summer's last call
You know I hate you fall.
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Activity


Please help me to forgive myself.
I need to forgive myself.
I need to know it’s okay to be scared
To be anxious
To be unhappy

Please help me save myself.
I need to save myself.
I need to know it’s okay to go on
To keep living
To keep trying

Please help me to love myself.
I need to love myself.
I need to know it’s okay to be imperfect
To be unsure
To be wrong

Please help me to heal myself.
I need to heal myself.
I need to know it’s okay to be sick
To be wounded
To be unsteady

Please help me to know myself.
I need to know myself.
I don’t know myself
I don’t know myself
I only know how to pray
Insomnia...

You really need to give it a rest.

Mature Content

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It's been nine years since you died.  I think you died, at least I know you did in my heart.  I was clutching you in my stomach as my boyfriend laughed with a clenched fist, making sure you never existed in his world.  We met an unforgivable moment together, you and I.  It was our one moment of togetherness, although I think of you as my January child, my clean child, my beloved and happy child.  You've grown up in my head... this year you would be in such and such grade... you'd be in girl scouts and I would have a permanent connection to thin mints.  I'd read to you at night and ask you what you thought happened next in the story, just like my great-grandmother did.  And we'd always cuddle and say "I love you," until you got to the age that it was embarrassing to you.  Come to think of it, that's probably coming up.  

But I only really think of you now, my January child.  It's like a ritual, where I remember that you don't exist.  I feel guilt for not protecting you.  I feel sadness that I can't feel you.  I feel relief because if you had existed, we might have not escaped.  Your memory escaped with me, and although it burns, it's there.  A heart can't have its memory stolen.  But you, my dear January child, have made me who I am today.  I love harder because I know that a second is a second that will never be again, one that can't be taken back.  I demand compassion of myself because I know what it is to be hurt, to have something ripped away, to be denied your choice over your own life.  I cry harder for children brought into this world under tyranny and fear, who can't escape the irreversible damage in their young lives.

I know I'm not the only one who has lost someone like you, January child.  The same way.  It's a reality that I've faced for years now, a reality I tried to fight and have lost to.  It's better to have tried, though.  You were an inspiration to me, and my fights have eased me through my grief.  You will never be an empty loss in my world.  You will be a moment in time that changed my life forever.  You may just be an idea, but you're an idea that made it into the world.

Thank you, January child.

deviantID

Arwynsavalon
Alyssa
United States
Current Residence: Indiana
Favourite genre of music: Every bit of it
Personal Quote: Infatuation is desire for the body; Love is desire for the soul.
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Comments


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:iconinfinity-melody:
infinity-melody Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2007  Student General Artist
thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconmeganleeretouching:
MeganLeeRetouching Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2007  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+favlove:
Reply
:iconzarazowatacholera:
ZarazowataCholera Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2007
Thanks for *fav* my photograph... I see here a good piece of work ;]

"being dramatic" - kawaii.
Reply
:iconinthestars19:
Inthestars19 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2007  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for fav
Reply
:iconoofailedoo:
oOfAilEdOo Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2007  Student Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav: =)
Reply
:iconvallendester:
vallendester Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2007  Student
thank you for the :+fav:
:heart: Wendythank you for the :+fav:
:heart: Wendy
Reply
:iconwhittnic:
whittnic Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2007
thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconjustaminute:
Justaminute Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2007
Thanks so much for the :+fav: :)
Reply
:iconblue-blossom:
blue-blossom Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007
Hello Alyssa:wave:
Many thanks for the :+fav:
:hug: :blowkiss:
Reply
:icontracyleequinn:
TracyLeeQuinn Featured By Owner May 14, 2007  Professional Traditional Artist
Hey there, thanks so much for the fave! <3
Reply
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